The confused blogger is BACK!!!

Hello people

After what seems like years, i have finally come to the realization that i am going to spend the rest of my life in front of a computer, even if it means getting myself a computer that i can live in (and by live, i mean sit, eat, drink, shit and make babies in/on/with …ūüėČ )

so i have been going through a couple of blogs here in Naija and i must say; we do have some wonderful writers in this “oil rich craptastic shit-hole” country. and i must commend their efforts. because honestly i know for sure that it is not easy to sit down and write stuff, even if u r making it up (which apparently is freaking haaaaarrrrddd). So various “awilo’s” to those talented writers on the internet.

In respect to writers that will make you want to make a difference in your life, whether positive or negative; i am back —-*i have said this too many times,¬† gotta make sure it happens this time* —- !!!!!

I do hope i get some mad ass inspiration per day, so i can log on here and bore ur lives everyday. and u will all like it. yes of course i do not know what i am writing about yet, but WTF, i am sure that’s what happens with the writers of the Dave Chappelle show (although, they never got to the point of making sense or even getting funny , I WILL!!!).

The return !!

Hello People,

Your ‘flawless’ blogger is back and this time, with some serious business.

All these while, your man has been in the labor market. And people; i have to be honest with you, it ain’t funny, but anyways as a hustler a man’s gotta be a man.

The series of posts that I’d be dropping from now on would be inclined towards the ‘how’, ‘when’, ‘where’ and ‘what’ of the information technology world of third world countries; Nigeria as the case study in most cases.

The underlying reason for this basically is the fact that these countries aren’t seeing information technology as a key factor for the development of the country. Instead, they keep thinking of IT as merely a temporary tool to service rising issues and urgent matters and to be forgotten once the matter is settled. IT has become an utility not an infrastructure, although it is worth mentioning that some government agencies have taken it upon themselves to be IT inclined and this move is subject to the prerogative of the policy maker/s of that agency.

Information Technology: if fashioned well into the roots of the systems running in a country, will not only lead to a faster and more rapid economic growth, but also tackle little devils like corruption and mismanagement. IT would also allow for easy information processing, distribution and acceptance by the masses, thereby empowering the people with information that would make the difference. Singapore is an economy that has in one way or the other used information technology to get ahead and a close look at them today would tell us all that it is a bargain that we should all settle for.

This is flawlessbio, and this is just the beginning !!!

National Youth Service Corps

NYSC …..¬† that’s the bullshit i am doing now !!!! that’s like the best thing naija ever did to normal people but damn the stress is killing !!!! I’ll post something else later !!!!

Guess who’s back !

hey everyone, i haven’t been here for a while now, i have ben a lil’ busy kicking life around, but guess what ? i am back and in full swing. i am ain malaysia now. will be here more often, for a start here’s a little one on the house.

Ever imagined some weird things in life about how little we know about how much we should know, check this out

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::DID U KNOW ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

-Ducks are never male. The males of the species are called drakes.

-Shoemakers are commonly called cobblers but correctly speaking a cobbler is a shoe repairmen. A shoemaker is a cordwainer.

-The device at the intersection of two railroad tracks to permit the wheels and flanges on one track to cross or branch for the other is called a frog.

-A depth of 2 fathoms (3,6 metres) is called a Mark Twain. Originally a fathom was the space reached by with two arms outstretched

-Did you know?…The sentence “the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog” uses every letter in the English language.

-Istanbul, Turkey is the only city in the world located on two continents.

-What is a SMS?
Text messaging is a SMS (Short Message Service) that can be made from a mobile phone (cell phone) to another mobile phone or from and to web based services such as IQC [where you don’t need a phone to send an SMS]. SMS generally allows the sending and receiving of a maximum of 160 characters. You can also send non-text messages such as ringtones, logos, cards, calendars, clipart and WAP. More than 20 billion text messages are sent per month.

-The Antpitta avis canis Ridgley is a bird that looks like a stuffed duck on stilts and barks like a dog. The bird was discovered by ornithologist Robert S. Ridgley in the Andes in Ecuador in June 1998. Thirty of these long-legged, black-and-white barking birds were found. It apparently had gone undetected because it lives in remote parts and, of course, doesn’t sing. The size of a duck, it is one of the largest birds discovered in the last 50 years.
There also are dogs that do not bark! The basenji, smallish dog with a silky copper coat, doesnot bark. Instead, it yodels when it get excited. Wild dogs like the African Wild Dog also do not bark.

-You might have been told that water boils at 100 degrees Celsius (212F) but the boiling point of water actually depends on the oxygen content and atmospheric pressure. The higher the altitude, the lower the temperature at which water boils. People who live at high altitudes, like Tibetans, drink their tea while it is bubbling with boiling. Many Tibetans who moved to India suffered serious burns when they drank their boiling tea at sea-level. British Standard 6008 and International Standard ISO 3103 advise that tea is best made with water that is freshly boiled. Prolonged boiling of water, or water that is boiled twice, drives off the dissolved oxygen in the water, making the tea taste flat.

-During World War II a cat called Oscar served on the German battleship Bismarck. When the Bismarck was torpedoed Oscar was rescued by a British sailor on board HMS Cossack. Five months later HMS Cossack was sunk but Oscar was rescued by HMS Ark Royal. Only 3 weeks later a German U-boat destroyed Ark Royal and Oscar was rescued again. The naval authorities then decided that Oscar had had enough and posted him on land. According to British naval records, Oscar died peacefully in 1955.

Work, Work, Work !

Hello everyone, long time , looks like u guys didnt miss my wiery ass up in here.Well, i have been working (my office site)¬†my ass off, trying to keep my life off the line. Anyway, i heard about the Nigerian blog that has an influx of a lot of nigerians(this is to my nigerian peeps, and ppl intrested in knowing more about my home country).Anyway i am doing this from the office so i’ll get back to all of you later.

Thanks

Writing Exams

Sorry everyone, i have been busy preparing for some exams that i am writting, been hectic.But soon as i am done i will hit a'll with some massive stuff.

The day after the Buffday !!!

Today is the day after the¬†my day, anyway , i am¬† back with a bang, Ladies and gentlemen, watch out, from next week i am doing a lot of poetry(just incase u¬†wanna know if i am good, check out my “poetry in blog”, thats¬†one of my posts on this blog¬†),and i’m gonna hook up some more pics and stuffs ya’ll ‘ll like.

take care all.

My Day !

Well, for all o’ ya’ll to know my birthday is tommorow and i might not be comin on to post anything, i’ll be out all day(for maybe 2 days), treating ma self to a good day.

i’ll be back here when i’m a year older.

money talks, bullshit works !

Hey pips, i know its been a while, been a lil up and down(travelling far and wide), but i’m back now. do u know that money sincerely speaks!!…….

¬†An eighteen-year-old girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, “Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know! The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an¬†¬† hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a¬†¬† mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit steps out¬† of it and enters the house. He sits in the living room¬† with the father, the mother and the girl, and tells them: “Good morning, your daughter has informed me of¬† the problem. However, I can’t marry her because of my¬† personal family situation, but I’ll take charge. If a¬† girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beach villa and a $1,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple¬† of factories and a $2,000,000 bank account. If it is twins, a factory and $1,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?” At¬† this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man’s shoulder and tells him, “You’ll sleep with her again”. ¬†

………….. so what is ur contribution?……..

Wish i knew what the F&&k this is !!!

¬†I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don’t hurt.

2. When I’m feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor’s dog that barks all the time run to the end of his chain and gag himself.

3. If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

4. A penny saved is a government oversight.

5. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.

6. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

 7. He who hesitates is probably right.

8. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

9. The sole purpose of a child’s middle name is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.

10.Living on earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.

11.Birthdays are good for you; the more you have, the longer you live.

12.How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you’re on.

13.Ever notice that the people who are late are often much jollier than the people who have to wait for them?

14.If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t more people happy? 15.Most of us go to our grave with our music still inside of us.

16.If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day, how come nothing is free yet?

17.You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.

18.Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

¬†19.Don’t cry because it’s over: smile because it happened. 20.We could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors…….but they all have to learn to live in the same box.

 21.Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.

22.A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

23.Happiness comes through doors you didn’t even know you left open.

24.Once over the hill, you pick up speed.

25.I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.

¬†26.If not for STRESS I’d have no energy at all.

¬†27.Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed. 28.Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don’t have film.

¬†29.I know God won’t give me more than I can handle. I just wish He didn’t trust me so much.

30.You don’t stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing.

31.Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.

32.We cannot change the direction of the wind… but we can adjust our sails.

33.If the shoe fits……buy it in every color (YES!)

Have an awesome day.

I’m out

Some home made humour !

Well this  is somin for ma pips in naija.
?It said in the islamic holy book that if someone can say “Allah is one and mohammed (S.A.W) is his messenger” which in arabic is (“ASHADU ANLA ILAHA ILLALAHU, WA ASHADU ANNA MUHAMMADAN RASULULLAHI!) just before death, the person gets a straight ticket to paradise. Now visualize this…..

A flight from London to Kano develops faults in Nigerian airspace.
very worried the captain calls the Aminu Kano airport.

“Aminu kano airport this is captain smith reporting flight 007”
“Do you copy?”

Kano tower;- “yes Alhaji Smith we kofi”

British Airways “Flight 007 Reporting technical faults”

Kano tower;- “kai haba!”

British Airways; – “sorry tower couldnt get that”

Kano tower; – “okay phlight 00Seben kan you tune fawa in injin?”

British Airways; – “Negative power in engines dead”

Kano tower;- “Walahi?”

British Airways; – “Negative didnt copy”

Kano Tower;- “Kan u kom down to altitude twenty thousand pit?”

British Airways;- “negative tower, wings wont respond”

Kano tower;- “kai!”

British Airways;- “negative didnt copy that tower”

Kano Tower;- “okay d flane will kom down in som tym due to low injin fawa, ofun yo taya at altidute sis thousan fit, due 1st sebenty digri”

British Airways;- “Negative, cant activate the landing gear”

Kano tower;- ‘wayyo!’

British Airways;- “awaiting order, flight 007”

Kano Towers;- “okay refit apfta me”

British Airways;- “okay what?”

Kano Tower;- “ASHADU ANLA ILAHA ILLALAHU, WA ASHADU ANNA MUHAMMADAN RASULULLAHI!

Tell me how ya’ll feel ………

Stupid questions with smart anwers !

BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn’t heavy.

GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me…

GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what’s your phone number??

GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we’ll be the happiest couple

GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don’t you ever want to improve??

BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??

BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??

SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He’d forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.

MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I’m wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.

WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.

MARY : John says I’m pretty. Andy says I’m ugly.What do u think,
Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you’re pretty ugly.

1) Girlfriend : “…And are you sure you love me and no one else ?”
Boyfriend : “Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday”.

2) Teacher : “Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?”
Pupil : “The moon”.
Teacher : “Why?”
Pupil : “The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don’t need it”.

3) Teacher : “What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?”
Pupil : “A teacher”.

4) Waiter : “Would you like your coffee black?”
Customer : “What other colors do you have?”

5) My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.

6) Teacher : “Sam, you talk a lot !”
Sam : “It’s a family tradition”.
Teacher : “What do you mean?”
Sam : “Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher”.
Teacher : “What about your mother?”
Sam : “She’s a woman”.

7) Tom : “How should I convey the news to my father that I’ve failed?”
David: “You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year’s performance repeated”.

8) Teacher : “Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?”
Student : “Brotherly love”.

9) Teacher : “Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?”
Sam : “No sir, I don’t have to, my mom is a good cook”.

10) Patient : “What are the chances of my recovering doctor?”
Doctor : “One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I’ve treated. The others all died”.

11) Teacher : ” Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?”
One Student : “Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time.”

12) Teacher : ” George Washington not only chopped down his father’s Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.
Now do you know why his father didn’t punish him ?”
One Student: ” Because George still had the axe in is hand.”

Helping the ladies out !!

how r we all doing, well a lil something something for the ladees and for our guys, do take this is in good faith I expect u to anyway. Take care .ūüôā

¬†¬†One for the girls….
¬†HE: I’m a photographer I’ve been looking for a
 face
 like yours!
¬†SHE: I’m a plastic surgeon .I’ve been looking
 for a
 face like yours!!!

¬†¬†HE: Hi! Didn’t we go on a date once? or was it
 twice?
¬†¬†SHE: Must’ve been once. I never make the same
 mistake twice!!!

  HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance?
¬†SHE: No, I’d like to have some pleasure too!!!

 HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
 SHE: I must have been given your share!!!

 HE: Will you come out with me this Saturday?
¬†SHE: Sorry! I’m having a headache this¬†weekend!!!

HE: Your face must turn a few heads!
SHE: And your face must turn a few stomachs!!!

HE: Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out!
SHE: Okay, get out!!!

HE: I think I could make you very happy
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?
HE: What would you say if I asked u to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same¬†time!!!

HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why, don’t you already have one?

HE: Shall we go and see a film?
SHE: I’ve already seen it!!!
HE: Do you think it was fate which brought us
together?
SHE: Nah, it was plain bad luck!!!
 Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.
Man: Haven’t I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that’s why I don’t go there¬†anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
 Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
  Man: So, what do you do for a living?
¬†¬†Woman: I’m a female impersonator.

¬†¬†Man: Hey baby, what’s your sign?
  Woman: Do not enter.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
 Woman:thanks,but no services today
¬†Man: If I could see you naked, I’d die happy.
¬†Woman: If I saw you naked, I’d probably die laughing.

 Man: Where have you been all my life?
¬†¬† Woman: Where I’ll be the rest of your life –¬†in your¬† wildest dreams.

 

 

 

i’l get somin for the men soon.

The height of things !

Height of Patience: A naked woman lying down with her
legs apart under a banana tree

Height of Frustration: A boxer in gloves trying to
scratch his balls

Height of Innocence: A teenage girl applying Clearasil
to her nipples

Height of Unemployment: Cobwebs in the p….y of a
prostitute

Height of Laziness: A guy lying on a girl and waiting
for an earthquake to do the rest

Height of Competition: A guy peeing beside a waterfall

Height of Sophistication: Sucking nipples with a straw

Height of Technology: A condom with a zip

Height of Trouble: A one handed man hanging from a
cliff and his ass is itching

Height of Desperation: Dracula sucking on a used
tampon

I cant believe how people use words

Like the post before this, u need to read this.

In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (and that’s the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos: ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. details inside. (the shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap: “Directions: Use like regular soap.” (and that would be how???….)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: “Serving suggestion: Defrost.” (but, it’s “just” a suggestion).

On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): “Do not turn upside down.”(well…duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:”Product will be hot after heating.” (…and you thought????…)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: “Do not iron clothes on body.” (but wouldn’t this save me more time?)

On Boot’s Children Cough Medicine:”Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.” (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: “Warning: May cause drowsiness.” (and…I’m taking this because???….)

On most brands of Christmas lights: “For indoor or outdoor use only.” (as opposed to…what?)

On a Japanese food processor: “Not to be used for the other use.” (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I’m a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury’s peanuts: “Warning: contains nuts.” (talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: “Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.” (Step 3: maybe, uh…fly Delta?)

On a child’s superman costume: “Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.”

Ever Wonder

EVER WONDER…

…why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

…why women can’t put on mascara with their mouth closed?

…why you don’t ever see the headline “Psychic Wins Lottery”?

…why “abbreviated” is such a long word?

…why doctors call what they do “practice”?

…why you have to click on “Start” to stop Windows 98?

…why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?

…why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?

…why there isn’t mouse-flavored cat food?

…who tastes dog food when it has a “new & improved” flavor?

…why Noah didn’t swat those two mosquitoes?

…why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

…why they don’t make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box ?

…why sheep don’t shrink when it rains?

…why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?

…if con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

…why they call the airport “the terminal” if flying is so safe?

 

wat could be worse ?

 

¬†hello ya’ll, this is somin i found and wanted ya’ll to check it out too.

 

 

A father passing by his son’s bedroom was astonished
to see the bed was nicely made and everything was
picked up. Then he saw an envelope propped up
prominently on the center of the bed. It was
addressed, “Dad”. With the worst premonition, he
opened the envelope and read the
letter with trembling hands:

Dear Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing
you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I
wanted to avoid a scene with mom and you. I’ve been
finding real passion with Joan and she is so nice-even
with all her piercings, tattoos, and her tight
Motorcycle clothes. But it’s not only the passion dad,
she’s pregnant and Joan
said that we will be very happy. Even though you don’t
care for her as she is so much older than I, she
already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of
firewood for the whole winter. She wants to have many
more children with me and that’s now one of my dreams
too. Joan taught me that marijuana doesn’t really hurt
anyone and we’ll be growing it for us and trading it
with her
friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In
the meantime we’ll pray that science will find a cure
for AIDS so Joan can get better; she sure deserves it!
Don’t worry Dad, I’m 15 years old now and I know how
to take care of myself. Someday I’m sure we’ll be back
to visit so you
can get to know your grandchildren.

Your son,
John

PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I’m over at the
neighbor’s house. I just wanted to remind you that
there are worse things in life than my report card
that’s in my desk center drawer. I love you! Call when
it is safe for me to come home.

 

 

 

peace.

i’m out.